Ex Chief Minister of Jammu & Kashmir, Omar Abdullah’s late in the day tweet, busting CM-in-the-waiting, Mehbooba Mufti and her chuddy-buddy Ram Madhav’s clandestine rendezvous at the former’s tony Fairview residence, has got many birds chirping about Omar Abdullah’s prowess as a dashing spy who can give that two-bit James a run for his money and bond better with his lady sidekicks than 007 himself could ever imagine.
Picking up the cue from the Telegraph’s roving editor, Sankarshan Thakur’s report that broke the story of Omar’s escapades as a sensational spy who blew this hush hush cover up with nothing but a plain vanilla flight tracker app, top intelligence bosses have activated their moles to recruit this self-styled sleuth who has a penchant for snazzy cars, smart phones and snug chalets for obvious reasons.
Corroborating the sensation drummed up by his boss’s itchy fingers, Omar’s mail boy, Junaid Mattu confirmed to this cub that firstname.lastname@example.org is being flooded with offers pouring in from the top intelligence agencies like MI6, MOSSAD, CIA, and KGB as well as from the top Hollywood studio, which owns the James Bond franchise.
Confirming the grapevine, Hollywood trade magazine, Variety’s Film Editor, Claudia Eller is said to be planning a centre spread on this new wunderkind on the block, sending the A listers of Beverley Hills into a tizzy particularly a certain Mr Daniel who has been caught scouting job postings on Craiglist.
Commenting on his son’s new found snoopy skills Farooq Abdullah said that at last Omar has found his true calling after he burnt his fingers as a pancake tosser in his previous vocation, and almost lost his shirt in the last elections. Brushing aside any speculations that Omar might take the bait of the secret services, Farooq Abdullah, couldn’t contain his excitement about gobbling up the potential deals lined up with the Hollywood honchos. He made it very clear though that Omar’ signing the dotted line will have a rider that Papa will get to twist to his heart’s content with the sexy sirens first.
Downplaying Omar’s shenanigans and calling it all a media fabricated hoopla, BJP’s general secretary, Ram Madhav tried to clear the air about his late evening flight to Srinagar. “I was supposed to take a normal flight from New Delhi to Srinagar, but due to student protests on the roads I had to stay back with Ms Smriti Irani and catch up on the missed episodes of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi,” he said. “By the time the roads were cleared up in New Delhi, I had no other option but to hitch a chartered flight, booked by some penny pinching Srinagar bound baniyas, at the last moment. They charged me the airfare that I could have used to fly along with my missus to UAE for her annual Dubai shopping festival frenzy,” he sighed.
Explaining the absence of security detail and the black SUV that he was spotted in along with another person wearing a scarf, Madhav revealed that since he was already late for the meeting he did not want to waste more time waiting for security paraphernalia, and booked a pre-paid taxi from inside the airport terminal itself. “The guy behind the counter booked an SUV instead of a normal cab since I gave him the Gupkar address. These airport taxiwallahs, I tell you, loot the tourists here,” he jeered.
About the enigma created around the man with a scarf, Madhav disclosed that while traversing on the stretch from the airport terminal to the main entrance, a distraught man wearing a scarf started flailing his arms asking for a lift. “Since, I had gone through the same painful experience a few hours back, I took pity on the wretched man and asked the driver to pick him up. As soon as he settled in the back seat of the SUV, his trademark scraf and cheap rimless spectacles gave his identity away. I was in shock for a moment, when I found out the bugger in the back seat is no other than Delhi’s famous muffler man, Arvind Kejriwal,” Madhav’s jaw dropped in amazement.
“I asked him what the heck are you doing here at this hour, he explained that since JNU students are beating him in his own game and that too on his home turf, it’s better to save some face and sneak into Kashmir as a hippie backpacker. Since he had nowhere to go, I took him along with me to the erstwhile Papa2 so that I could show him who the real Papa of politics here is,” Madhav bared it all.
“Omar’s price catch turned out to be nothing but a damp squib. Hope this botch up doesn’t dash his hopes of trying his lady luck in the Hollywood though,” quipped PDP’s youth president, Wahid Para.
However, this entire fiasco has been pooh-poohed by the old hawks of Kashmir’s political circles as Omar’s childhood fetish of kite flying, which he often used to lose to his neighborhood opponents, a little birdie tweeted.
Published by Greater Kashmir
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